it's day 3 and I am making progress. i don't feel as helpless as I did a week ago. i see a long tunnel, but there is a light at the end of it. i am absolutely determined to succeed, but i believe i will do it this time. because i am running out of time.

my shoulder/arm hurts. it feels like a pinched nerve, but i worried about heart issues. you know how easy it is to worry about such things especially with my history. i will get to a doctor this week, because it is making for restless nights of sleep.

today is a sports-filled day. we have world cup soccer, us open golf and of course the mets/yankee game. i am quite sure we are not leaving this house today. i'll be lucky if i get people out of the house tomorrow.

my husband mentioned that he wants to get back on the south beach program. i told him, he can do whatever he wants but don"t look to me for help. it sounds selfish, huh? but i have to just think about myself this time. i know history will repeat itself. i will start worrying about what he is eating;what he is doing and next thing you know i am losing track of my goals again. he needs to lose 10 to 15 pounds. he can do that without even thinking. for me, 10 pounds is just one step on a long journey. i'll take a 10 pound loss x 12!!!

i find inspiration all around me - especially on the calorie king and south beach diet websites. there are so many successful people. i see their success as my future. but i also see the try and try again spirit in so many others. it's such a hard battle; it's constant; it's lifelong and it's lonely sometimes. that is why the camaraderie of these websites is so important. trying to do this on my own, just doesn't cut it anymore. that's why i am back..for good...i hope....for 10 pounds x 12!!!

My photo: My new grand nephew! Lucas Edward - Born April 20, 2010.