it's been gone for so long

i've forgotten
what it feels like
to have energy,
real energy
the desire
to get up and out
and do things
without worrying
how tired
i will feel

i've forgotten
what healthy meals
do to you
to your spirit
to your willpower
as you
eat less
feel full
grazing the kitchen
a habit gone
for now

i've forgotten
what feeling positive
does for the soul
makes the goal
seem possible
the journey
less painful
the effort
much stronger
the belief in success
miraculous

i've forgotten
for awhile
how worthy i am
of all things
wonderful
of brass rings
and amazing dreams
that aren't just for
closed eyes
anymore

i've forgotten
that i can do anything
if i want to
when i want it
so badly
it hurts
but it is
a good hurt
an ache, really
because i will climb
the mountain
i will finish
this race
this long race
because,
well, because
i must
i can
i will

today's photo: taken somwhere in the rain forest, north of cairns, australia - 1991. That's when i was "young" and adventurous....i would go back in a hearbeat!