This weekend went way too quickly. S and I spent 2 1/2 (!) hours at Menards on Sunday buying various yard and lawn and deck and house things. Money. Again. We had a great time though - I love that we have a great time together no matter what we are doing. I hope our laughter never goes away. On Sunday we bought edging for the yard, and grass seed, and we've resolved to make the lawn beautiful or else.

We had a lovely weekend...in..ummm...errr...other departments as well. I've said this before, but I find it fresh and important each time. I love that part of us. I've wondered why it seems so special - I realize that ideally it SHOULD be special between two people, but its often not. It wasn't with A2 and I - ohhhh, there's another topic for internal discussion - when I think I can't think of anything to explore, something usually reveals itself. I've wondered if it feels so special becase S and I don't spend all of our time talking about our feelings and our relationship. I'm not sure how to describe this accurately. I think it is that making love is a way of communication for us - it is truly is demonstrating love and attraction to each other. Perhaps this shouldn't be discussed in a public journal - but like I've said before, I'd rather not have to totally sanitise this journal.

I have a work conference that I'm volunteering at this week - tomorrow evening through Friday. I truly hope its worthwhile. Since I'm taking Monday off to go to Wisc., I won't be at the gh until Tuesday. Seems like a long time to be away. I am tentatively planning to go in for a bit on Saturday, if only to reassure myself that all is well. I got a lot done today there - I always get a lot done. I need to commend myself more for my productivity level.

We had dinner on the deck again tonight - and S's new bird feeder drew most of the regulars this evening. We were watching to see if the bizzarely intelligent squirrels would find a way into the bird feeder, but so far, they haven't. I learned that the thing you put over or under a bird feeder to keep squirrels away is called a squirrel baffle! Baffle! I love it. Its going to be a lovely summer on the deck.

I ate TONS on Saturday - I couldn't really even estimate how much, but I know it was pushing 2000 calories. I don't feel too badly about it because 1) I planned it to some extent. 2) It could count as a re-feed day. 3) I needed to be extremely but not painfully full. 4) I needed a bump of some kind since this is week 4 at the same weight. I'm hoping that next week will show some kind of loss since this week was TOM. If not, that is just fine, too. I will beleive that - or keep trying.

Had my final pre op appointment for the breast reduction surgery today. I'm a bit apprehensive about the pain and the recovery - hopefully C from CK will have good info/advice.

Have emailed some lately with M. Although brief and to the point, I think its a good way for us to communicate, since I never know when to call with the baby and feel that I'm always interrupting something. I think I'm waging some kind of campaign to re-establish myself as a responsible, good person with M. I'm not sure I need to - I truely don't know her inner most thoughts on it - I may not need to at all, but I may need to more than I know. I am aware that I'm also waging this campaign to convince myself.