The first day back at work has been relatively painless. Usually I find tons of problems to address when returning to work. Perahps they just haven't been brought to my attention yet.

I'm still sore. Especially on my sides. I can't wait to feel normal again. I love my smaller, daintier breasts, and it absolutely was the right thing to do, but I am tired of being sore.

This will be a short update to start, but I will hopefully elaborate further later on this evening.

Am finally back on the band-wagon eating-wise today and I'm going for 1500 calories which should be PLENTY. Plenty, Lynn. Do you hear me?

Got an email from a long lost friend and a wedding invitation - perhaps better friendships are on the horizon?? Also got a phone call from A. Am hoping my spirit rises to meet these challenges. I started crying yesterday just imagining the friend's wedding. I feel so badly for myself - again, not pitying - just remembering and reliving how horrible I feel during these "panic" attacks - they dig at the most vulnerable parts of me. My sense of self - my internal comparisons to where I should be - I just want joy and serenity.

S and I need some work, I think. I'm not sure how to approach it. I'd probably give much harsher advice to a girl friend facing similar issues so I need to acknowldege that. We are just (just?) so different. And over all that has been a source of stretching and challenges and learning, and a good thing for both of us, but in the end we are different. We approach things differently and we need to learn to value our differences without dismissing them or making them a source of frustration.

I'm going to leave work early today. I haven't heard yet about the position I applied for. I am so hopeful. But, I need to prepare myself for any outcome and figure out how to learn from either eventuality.

Uff, I'm rusty at this journaling thing.