I just had a thought or series of thoughts – I get angry at stupid people. (And that means my definition of stupid which may or may not be valid.) I get angry and irritated at them and then I end up showing it. But what good does that do? What I am trying to accomplish by showing my irritation? that I am superior to you, stupid person? that I am worried that I am not superior to you? that You should realize and apology for your stupidity, stupid person?

(I think what I mean by stupid is intellectual stupidity, but also social or emotional stupidity – self centeredness and self righteousness and ignorance).

No amount of my irritation will make a dumb person smart.

My irritation is another way of expressing my underlying personal insecurities. I run on the automatic assumption that if you are stupid you don’t deserve…what?...something. Or is that I’m so frustrated that it rains on the stupid and non stupid alike?

I am not enough, in and of myself, yet, to live and let live.

The stupid have every right to live without button-pushing by me. I am a whole, complex, wonderfully flawed human being who deserves self focus and self respect – in fact, I deserve that so much that, ideally, I don’t have time or energy to passively-aggressively try to make other people realize their own stupidity. My focus is on me. If a person wants to get to know me, great. If they don’t, no reason to force my view of their stupidity onto them.

I realize how hateful this makes me sound. I do. I’m not proud, but I’m trying to look at my thoughts in the broad light of day no matter how maggot-infested they are.

I need to say that again – I am a wonderfully complex person who is hurting and joyous and confused all at the same time so I deserve my own attention. All of my own attention. I am an island of me, inviolate and steady.