LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog
Sunday, Dec 5 2004
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
Im a bit down, and Im not sure why. Yes, I am. Its ridiculous, but I am jealous. Envious is more accurate, I think. Its Sunday night which is always a down time for me and Im at loose ends. The Packers game was horrible, but I dont think that is bringing me down. Although, the way they played, it should be a cause for deep and abiding depression.
Its been difficult doing 1300 calories the past two days. Gosh, I hope that whoever reads this when Im dead and is looking at my life (judging me! I'm being judged!) cuts me slack for the types of things that seem to occupy me - weight, stupid people (!), me, me, me. I suppose this is my journal. I do get to write whatever I want in it. To whoever is reading this in 20/40/60 years- I was a person with many thoughts and even some positive ones, as hard as you will find that to believe.
I find it disappointing that Im worried about what some future person I dont even know will think of me when he/she reads this. Really, Lynn. Not only am I worried, I resent their judgement. That's reasonable, isn't it?
Its been a challenge to do 1300 - it has made me realize how much thought needs to go into planning meals. Thats just not a whole lot of calories. I can do it. I also dont like advertising what Im doing, so I have to plan twice. It does make me wonder if I was consuming considerably more than I thought. Its possible.
Steve has been phenomenal the last week or so. Just sensitive, intuitive, and so supportive without me having to spell out what I need support about (because how unreasonable to make me specifically ask for what I need. Is the sarcasm apparent?). I love him. And he surprises me. He really does. I dont discuss my weight with him - I think its just too girlee (and I dont mean that in a positive, girl-power sort of way), but I had to ask him about the scale right after my discovery of The 7 Pound Gain. He was very reassuring while not being dismissive/condescending. He has gained weight (I cant see it) over the past few months and is planning to lose it after Christmas. And he will. Because men can do that. (Grrr). We spoke briefly about how we may just be people who need to be careful with what we eat. I think its really just a coincidence that The 7 Pounds appeared the week after I turned 30, but it is the time for metabolism changes. Steve thinks that is what is happening to him as well. If we need to watch what we eat forever, so be it.
(Opinion Ahead) He said to me today as we were taking his cousin and his cousins wife to the airport (what nice people they are - I really enjoyed spending a few hours with them), Maybe we can go to church next week. It was just perfect - I would have asked if he wanted to come with me, but it was just so nice that he wants to go too. I felt so connected to him, so married, when we went last week. I hope the next service is as fulfilling as the one last week was. We were joking in the car that Jesus really needs some new ambassadors. Imagine - if you didnt have any experience with Jesus life or teachings and were basing him on the current religious right in our country - hardly welocming and scary! At least the leaders of it that get airtime are.
(TMI Alert) Something interesting has been happening to me lately. Ive always had orgasms in my sleep - ever since I was 17. And usually it happens about once a month, but in the last two months, Ive had one nearly every week and sometimes more often. And they have never been as a result of a sexual dream. In fact, I dont think one has ever been as a result of a sexual dream. Im doing things like driving, writing, putting on makeup, swinging. Ive started telling Steve about them, just because they have gotten so prevalent - he thinks its amazing. Im not complaining. But he keeps saying how unique I must be. And I guess I havent talked with a woman who has experienced the same thing with the frequency that I do. Steve says that he is unique because he has never had a sleeping orgasm - he said men have them pretty regularly. They are very different in nature from awake orgasms - they are dreamy and deep and personal and .ummm lovely.
Its been difficult doing 1300 calories the past two days. Gosh, I hope that whoever reads this when Im dead and is looking at my life (judging me! I'm being judged!) cuts me slack for the types of things that seem to occupy me - weight, stupid people (!), me, me, me. I suppose this is my journal. I do get to write whatever I want in it. To whoever is reading this in 20/40/60 years- I was a person with many thoughts and even some positive ones, as hard as you will find that to believe.
I find it disappointing that Im worried about what some future person I dont even know will think of me when he/she reads this. Really, Lynn. Not only am I worried, I resent their judgement. That's reasonable, isn't it?
Its been a challenge to do 1300 - it has made me realize how much thought needs to go into planning meals. Thats just not a whole lot of calories. I can do it. I also dont like advertising what Im doing, so I have to plan twice. It does make me wonder if I was consuming considerably more than I thought. Its possible.
Steve has been phenomenal the last week or so. Just sensitive, intuitive, and so supportive without me having to spell out what I need support about (because how unreasonable to make me specifically ask for what I need. Is the sarcasm apparent?). I love him. And he surprises me. He really does. I dont discuss my weight with him - I think its just too girlee (and I dont mean that in a positive, girl-power sort of way), but I had to ask him about the scale right after my discovery of The 7 Pound Gain. He was very reassuring while not being dismissive/condescending. He has gained weight (I cant see it) over the past few months and is planning to lose it after Christmas. And he will. Because men can do that. (Grrr). We spoke briefly about how we may just be people who need to be careful with what we eat. I think its really just a coincidence that The 7 Pounds appeared the week after I turned 30, but it is the time for metabolism changes. Steve thinks that is what is happening to him as well. If we need to watch what we eat forever, so be it.
(Opinion Ahead) He said to me today as we were taking his cousin and his cousins wife to the airport (what nice people they are - I really enjoyed spending a few hours with them), Maybe we can go to church next week. It was just perfect - I would have asked if he wanted to come with me, but it was just so nice that he wants to go too. I felt so connected to him, so married, when we went last week. I hope the next service is as fulfilling as the one last week was. We were joking in the car that Jesus really needs some new ambassadors. Imagine - if you didnt have any experience with Jesus life or teachings and were basing him on the current religious right in our country - hardly welocming and scary! At least the leaders of it that get airtime are.
(TMI Alert) Something interesting has been happening to me lately. Ive always had orgasms in my sleep - ever since I was 17. And usually it happens about once a month, but in the last two months, Ive had one nearly every week and sometimes more often. And they have never been as a result of a sexual dream. In fact, I dont think one has ever been as a result of a sexual dream. Im doing things like driving, writing, putting on makeup, swinging. Ive started telling Steve about them, just because they have gotten so prevalent - he thinks its amazing. Im not complaining. But he keeps saying how unique I must be. And I guess I havent talked with a woman who has experienced the same thing with the frequency that I do. Steve says that he is unique because he has never had a sleeping orgasm - he said men have them pretty regularly. They are very different in nature from awake orgasms - they are dreamy and deep and personal and .ummm lovely.
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