LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog
Thursday, Dec 16 2004
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
I got very angry at work and didn't have time to "process" (ie go through exercises I've adopted to figure out what I'm thinking and counteract any irrational thoughts that are making me feel angry). I'm past the moment right now and don't really feel like doing the work. Today has been all about the "I don't feel like it." which lately is very unlike me - I've been go, go, go, do, do, do lately. I couldn't even sit down to watch the sencond episode of CSI on Spike after dinner and working out - I don't necessarily enjoy being so...distracted? Its a lack of attention span, is how I think of it. I don't know if that's accurate, but that's how I think of it. Very strange. And I swear, every night I could go to bed earlier and earlier. Honestly, if I didn't know I wasn't pregnant, I would wonder.
Life is very strange right now. I think I've observed that this week and last, but I guess it bears repeating (actually, it might not). I'm not upset, but I'm not calm or centered or at peace. I'm..agitated, but its not intense anxiety, either. Very strange. Transition time? Could be.
What? What?! I don't understand.
I think, after all, its S and children. He needs to talk to me. I need to know what his thoughts are. I need to know.
No church this Sunday - we're seeing S's friend, wife, and new baby, which is a wonderful way to spend a Sunday, but I could use the Christmas carols. I'll get them in OKC with my family on Christmas Eve. Gosh, do I miss my sister, and gosh, do I love my family.
In January, I want to join a book club, contact Alicia's friend, have lunch with some people from DCI, and connect with Molly. I think that I could set those as goals that would make me happy. Plus, I have my mini-escape coming.
I had really forgotten what 1300 calories is like - I spend a good chunk of time between about 3pm and 9pm thinking about food. I try to save enough calories to have ice cream and cookies for an evening snack, but that means only 600 for dinner and that is hard for me. I am looking foward to maintenance level, again - but I have obviously learned my lesson. Just another 300 calories give me an afternoon snack and either a larger dinner or an extra cookie. That's all I want!
________
S said to me last night, "I can't wait to have babies with you." So, maybe all is not lost. We had a long, bad..then worse...then better...then great talk about money. More later.
Life is very strange right now. I think I've observed that this week and last, but I guess it bears repeating (actually, it might not). I'm not upset, but I'm not calm or centered or at peace. I'm..agitated, but its not intense anxiety, either. Very strange. Transition time? Could be.
What? What?! I don't understand.
I think, after all, its S and children. He needs to talk to me. I need to know what his thoughts are. I need to know.
No church this Sunday - we're seeing S's friend, wife, and new baby, which is a wonderful way to spend a Sunday, but I could use the Christmas carols. I'll get them in OKC with my family on Christmas Eve. Gosh, do I miss my sister, and gosh, do I love my family.
In January, I want to join a book club, contact Alicia's friend, have lunch with some people from DCI, and connect with Molly. I think that I could set those as goals that would make me happy. Plus, I have my mini-escape coming.
I had really forgotten what 1300 calories is like - I spend a good chunk of time between about 3pm and 9pm thinking about food. I try to save enough calories to have ice cream and cookies for an evening snack, but that means only 600 for dinner and that is hard for me. I am looking foward to maintenance level, again - but I have obviously learned my lesson. Just another 300 calories give me an afternoon snack and either a larger dinner or an extra cookie. That's all I want!
________
S said to me last night, "I can't wait to have babies with you." So, maybe all is not lost. We had a long, bad..then worse...then better...then great talk about money. More later.
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