I have gone up and down about a thousand times today, mood-wise. I am so tired of my volatility. Especially because I was on an even keel for what felt like a good stretch. Is it the holidays? If so, why? I'm not overly busy - in fact, I seem to be the only person who isn't complaining about "all the parties" they are invited to. I'd be happy to go to a holiday party - especially a non-work one. But that is a door I'm not opening today. I'm just not going to approach that monster today. So...what is it? I don't know. And it goes against everything I wish would happen, but when I write, I get in touch with my sadness, and then, I'm feeling it, and suddenly its much worse than if I hadn't written anything at all. That isn't right. I would rather the writing make it better. I have to believe this is serving some purpose that I can't yet figure out. I have to believe there is a point to this.

Maybe I'm sad because I have so much love to give and it isn't really finding very many targets right now. Could that be it? Wow...I'm teary. Maybe that's it. World - I have love to give. Come and get it!