Wow. Anxiety this morning. Why? Let’s see…there’s an auditor in who is talking to the coworker that I’m not fond of and it bothers me. Why? Because she’s talking to her? Because the system is messed up? Because CW (coworker) doesn’t acknowledge that anyone else does anything in the department? Do I feel threatened? Yes. Okay, then. Why? I should be in charge? I don’t really want to be. Part of my responsibilities are quality process documentation, so yes, it does feel like I’m being left out, but I imagine if it were really critical GK would involve me. Maybe. And if not, so what? I want to do a good job, but I can only be responsible for what is presented to me to do. This wasn’t presented to me to do. I’m protective of my turf, which is understandable, but I don’t think its truly warranted.

There’s more, I think. Steve’s job. Or lack there of. The anxiety isn’t that he isn’t actively employed, its that things have been in limbo for so long. He is waiting for a call back from the realtor he wants to join. And so I don’t know what his/our schedules will be, so I don’t know when to plan working out at the gym…If he isn’t around, I’ll need to let the dog out before working out and good lord, its already hard to make it from lunch to after workout dinner without adding another ½ hour in there. I just don’t see how people do 1200 calories a day. Well, I do, because I’m doing it, but it is hard. Okay, let’s think this through. What is the worst that could happen – I have to go home after work to let the dog out. I can either a) go right back to the gym, or b)eat dinner and go to the gym around 8. Either would be fine. It’s the not knowing, I guess.

I need to go to a meeting, more later.

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Something Stace wrote me that keeps repeating itself - "...you know yourself pretty well, and that's really all we need to be confident." Self knowledge. Well, if over-thinking will it done, I'm there!