LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog
Tuesday, Jan 18 2005
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
So much anxiety. I've noticed that it is this way in the mornings for me at work. It seems like everything is so chaotic. I love this company, which is funny since I hate a lot of the decisions made or not made. It makes me so anxious. I'm feeling angry that People (who do I mean? Everyone?) get to (why do I use that phrase?) slack off and/or assume I have time to deal with their issues. Why does that make me angry? Do I feel undervalued? I don't think I am undervalued. Why do I get angry about this? I wish I didn't, and I don't think the D. Burns exercises are working for me over this anxiety/anger.
I've been having very vivid dreams about people who are on the periphory of my life. People that I am conflicted about. I can't keep the dreams in my mind long enough to write them down in any detail. In the past, when I was anxious, I'd have very clear anxiety dreams. These are similar but not exactly the same.
I've been thinking on and off, again, about looking at life with a sense of possiblity rather than with the assumption of constant obstacles. I think about how I would like for my children to be thoughtful optimists. I am beginning to understand how easy it is to try to invest all your hopes and dreams into a child. I need to remember that I can want the best for them without trying to prevent them from making any mistakes that I may have made. I would like to get out of the mistake mindset, though - it is what it is. Life is what it is.
I'm so touchy. Why does everything bother me so much? I'm so tired of myself - of my tendencies. You'd think the world was totally focused on ruining my day to hear me feelings and interal dialogue. I want to cry. This time of day isn't fun.
Wonder and possibility. Wonder and possibility.
***
Am feeling better. Its like an anxiety attack but without the physical symptoms. Its so unpleasant. But I can't shake the conviction that the feelings are valid - well, of course they are valid - feelings are feelings, but the thoughts prompting them may not be super rational. Or helpful. That's just it - I could be right, technically - but its hardly helpful for calming or general happiness.
Charge on!
I've been having very vivid dreams about people who are on the periphory of my life. People that I am conflicted about. I can't keep the dreams in my mind long enough to write them down in any detail. In the past, when I was anxious, I'd have very clear anxiety dreams. These are similar but not exactly the same.
I've been thinking on and off, again, about looking at life with a sense of possiblity rather than with the assumption of constant obstacles. I think about how I would like for my children to be thoughtful optimists. I am beginning to understand how easy it is to try to invest all your hopes and dreams into a child. I need to remember that I can want the best for them without trying to prevent them from making any mistakes that I may have made. I would like to get out of the mistake mindset, though - it is what it is. Life is what it is.
I'm so touchy. Why does everything bother me so much? I'm so tired of myself - of my tendencies. You'd think the world was totally focused on ruining my day to hear me feelings and interal dialogue. I want to cry. This time of day isn't fun.
Wonder and possibility. Wonder and possibility.
***
Am feeling better. Its like an anxiety attack but without the physical symptoms. Its so unpleasant. But I can't shake the conviction that the feelings are valid - well, of course they are valid - feelings are feelings, but the thoughts prompting them may not be super rational. Or helpful. That's just it - I could be right, technically - but its hardly helpful for calming or general happiness.
Charge on!
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