I was in Access training all day today, so I was able to spend some time on the CK forums but didn't want to journal because the person behind me could read everything on my screen. It was a good class, and I have one more day tomorrow. I think this little bit of knowledge will help me be and feel more proactive and organized at work.

I worked out intensley after class and am seeing progress with the weights I'm using.

My board meeting went well last night - one of my hallmark traits is that whenever I hear or generate an idea, I immediately go to the reality of implementing it. Sometimes this is a very helpful trait, other times its not, as you can imagine. It means that I am never naive about how much work something will take, but it also means that sometimes I let the details interfere/overwhelm/strangle the idea. The academy is in dire financial straights - we've had a room under construction for nearly half a year, which means we've lost the revenue that room would normally generate. The problem is that the work is being done by an industry association of volunteers, so its very difficult to harrass them to finish it. We're planning a March event to raise money to get back out of the hole. I finally lost my temper a bit and pointed out at least 10 things that would need to be done for this event that no one was thinking of or disucssing. I quickly calmed down, and then volunteered to make up a master list of tasks and begin the process that way. I did some of at the training today and am pleased with it. This volunteering is time-consuming and sometimes frustrating, but it always worth it in the end - it brings me much satisfaction.

I read an article not too long ago about the state of women (vs men) in the business world and one of the writer's criticisms of tendencies women in business have is that we do focus on details and tend not to take as many risks as men. This article also pointed out that women are usually much better mentors to their staff, so the article wasn't women-bashing. It was surprisingly honest, I thought, and accurate, at least based on my experience. The only flaw is that the article assumed that a business wouldn't want to run on details and conservative decision making, and I don't think that is always true. It was also very emphatic that most of the reason women in business (meaning white collar, not blue collar) make less than men is that we don't ask/demand more. We tend to take what is offered. Its true - it would never occur to me to say at review/raise time - "That's great, but I need/want/deserve more."

Its been interesting to analyze my own work behaviors/skills/flaws in light of gender differences.

I called A on the way to the board meeting since I was in traffic for nearly an hour. She actually answered and we talked. I both miss her and resent that I miss her. I am much better now about treating our friendship as an entity in and of itself without excessive comparison to what I think it is between A and my other friends from college. So, I do see progress and I'm happy about that. I won't say it wasn't difficult, though - it was difficult to talk to her and think about her. One very interesting thing - A asked me a long time ago when we started talking/emailing again if I was mad at her for essentially disapearing during my difficult time. And I didn't think I was - I was too busy feeling defensive about that time to notice that yes, I was and am, still mad. Disapointed. Mad implies a self respect I didn't think I had during that intial recovery period. Its ironic that its taken me this long to realize this. I am usually much more in touch with my feelings. I think part of it is that I had never had anything but the highest regard for A - probably too much, really, so it was very difficult to admit or even recognize anger with her.

S and I booked our flights to AZ today - we're going through Las Vegas and are hoping to stay at his brother's hotel (the MGM) in a suite for two nights. We'll drive from there to Phoenix and Tucson. I am hoping to figure out a way to contact Patti and Butch, but I don't know how much time I'll have. We'll see.

I also talked to S about flying to Ohio for the April CK meetup. I asked him if thought that would be alright with him and he was shocked I asked him and wondered why it wouldn't be okay with him. I don't know, honestly - I guess I assumed he would have some concerns. So, I'm going to look at flights to see if its feasible.

I'm getting very anxious to weigh-in on Saturday morning. I feel great, and would like the scale to reflect that. Fingers crossed!