I'm home, and so glad to be here. We picked Ripple up as soon as we left the airport and it has been both wonderful and horrible. I will never board her there at the vet's again. It an exageration to call it boarding. It turns out she was left alone from 6pm to 7am, so essentially, she had to pee in her kennel. This is a puppy who was potty trained within two weeks of being home with us. She HATES accidents. And her surgery - she was spayed, and the incision is HUGE. I do not undestand why it needs to be that big. We could just tell for the first four hours or so that we had her back that she was still not herself - we could both see it in her eyes and face. She is much better now - the twinkle and relaxation are back, but I feel horrible. Never again. The next time we have to leave her either she will get a dog sitter who will stay here at the house with her, or we will leave her at the most elaborate, attention-intensive doggy day care we can find. Dogs are people too. S and I tried not to talk about her too much while we were gone beyond callling to see how the surgery went, but it ate us both up. We talked about how, at least with older children, you can promise to return and they can believe you. With a dog or infant, its like the bottom drops out of their world and they have no way to trust that you will return. Agh. Do I sound melodramatic? We both were about this separation from her.

The trip was good for the most part - S and I together were good most of the time. We had some rough moments, but that happens when we travel. We both have different ways of handling situations and they don't always jive. We had some very loving moments as well. Moments where it was very clear to us that we are own family now - that we find love and comfort and refreshment in each other and the life we've created. We laughed a lot, which was good. We were very silly at times.

I really like his family, but it was pretty intensive to be spending nearly 24 hours a day with them. And his 3 siblings all have multiple children so it was very kid-intensive, which is great when its not 24/7. But, it was fun to be Aunt Lynn now to them. And S is Uncle Beaver. Isn't that funny? His family calls him Beaver, or Beave. So to hear our little nieces and nephews say "Uncle Beaver! Look!" is pretty cute.

I need to tell Jackie about a moment I had and thought about her. We were having dinner at my mother- and father-in-law's, and S's sister, husband, and two children were there as well. The oldest child, a boy, is about 7 and is an extremly promising athlete. He is getting attention for golf, football, soccer, baseball, and basketball. Unfotunately, I'd had 3.5 glasses of wine, which was enough to be too much and couldn't stop observing the way Anne (S's sister) and Bobbie (S's mother) just FAUNED over this boy. There was hand-wringing going on about what he was eating, and a huge conversation about the fact that he changed shoe brands from Nike to Addidas. A SEVEN year old. I could ONLY see the situation as sympotmatic of our society - where male atheletes are revered, served, honored, lauded, pandered to, etc. above everyone else. I couldn't help comparing their treatment of this boy to his sister, who is three years younger, has far better table manners, has a larger vocabulary, and is in general, a very neat girl, getting NO attention. I was so worked up about it - so full of rage that I had to leave the table. I was dismayed at how angry I was. It was excessive, if undestandable. I sat on the bed in the guest bedroom and just tried to survive the feelings I was having while telling myself that half of it was my fault for having too much wine, when I DISTINCTLY felt Jackie (Boom's) spirit with me, trying to soothe me. Isn't that AMAZING? It - she - was very clear. And it did help some. I called my sister, washed my face, and returned to the scene. Thank you, Jackie, for reaching out to me when I needed help.

We spent some time with S's other sister and her family, and that was important, I think, because S is closest to this sister and is most like her. She was a bit hard to read - a bit aloof seeming, but I learned to read and respond to her like S and was able to see how sincere and sensetitive she is and how much she loves S. Her two children couldn't be cute. Honestly, I've never met more charming children. Practically perfect.

Dave got us a beautiful suite at the Paris in Vegas. It was on the 32nd floor, and beautiful. It had a wonderful view and lovely bathtub. I wish we could have stayed in that suite a bit longer, but neither of us could have left Ripple one more day.

I'll write more about the trip over the next few days.

I am worried about work tomorrow - it will be very busy. But I feel pretty calm, actually, now that I examine myself. So, I am not worried, I guess. I must be thinking I should be worried.

I've got a cold, dammit - I felt it this morning waking up in my throat and its now in my nose. So I'm panting because I can't breathe out my nose. Lovely.