What is it about Mondays that makes me want to wallow in self pity? Its as if there is a mandatory "drama" switch that gets flicked around 7:30am on Mondays. I don't know what is pregnancy and what is me any more - not that pregnancy isn't me - it is - but you know what I mean.

S is going to La Crosse again today for two days to get his house ready to rent. I'll miss him and Ripple although having the house to myself will be nice.

Let's see - what have I been thinking about? About how tired I am. I am tired. I could sleep all day long. I'm so lathargic and sleepy that I didn't even get on the computer once this weekend. I thought I would have more energy during this trimester, but each woman is different, so maybe I won't. I had hoped to. S has been teasing me about how much I'm sleeping. I'm "still" very defensive so I listen like a hawk for any sign of criticism. It really isn't fun - either for me or him.

S thinks the walnut is a girl. I think its a boy. I can't wait to find out. I don't feel as dreamy as I thought I would, while pregnant. I suppose because a) life goes on and b) pregnancy is doing strange things to my body and mind - I feel disjointed and excited and totally unmotivated to do anything all at once. I was incredibly proud of myself for mowing the front lawn yesterday. Lord. As if I should get a prize for that. But I just. do. not. feel. like. myself. I wish I could just relax.

Work-wise, the stress is intense right now - I have a meeting with my new supervisor's supervisor this afternoon, and I am nervous. I also have an RFP due out tomorrow that no work has been done on. Despite the fact that I divy-ed up responsiblities and assigned them a week ago. Grrr.

Got in the car this morning and turned on the radio and felt innundated by the nastiness and queasiness and dispair I nearly always feel when I listen to political news.

Perhaps the reason I feel so uneasy and exhausted on Monday mornings is because I've avoided so many of the things that make me unhappy over the weekend so being hit with them on Mondays is extra hard. Is the answer to avoid those things all the time? Agh. And I know I write this exact same thing often. This is why I've never felt that admiting you have a problem is such a huge step. Its not - not for me. Never has been. I can admit and see things all day long. Doesn't usually do anything towards fixing the problem. For me, anyway.

I would love to go home right now and sleep.