Its Sunday night, I'm home alone, watching a movie with half my mind, and writing up lists for the baby.

The crying episodes, as I seem to have dubbed them, hit me today after going shopping for maternity clothes. I get these feelings of needing to have everything ready for the baby NOW. Not in two months, not closer to the birth, but NOW. I've been feeling variations of this since I found out I was pregnant. Its a difficult feelings because for all practical purposes, I need to wait for at least another two months for everything to make sense financially and space wise. I have a list begun of things we need to get. I think the thing that makes the most sense is to register for the list of things we need and then buy what we haven't been generously given during the last month or so.

One thing I am glad for is having a reason for these crying episodes - namely, being pregnant. Its strange to not really remember exactly how things felt before I was pregnant - I know I had these bouts of sadness and anxiety, but they felt different, somehow. I really think that I will want to try Wellbutrin again after the baby is born and its safe to take medication. Assuming I still have such anxieties then.

I'm having very little luck finding names I like. Boy names, I mean. I've found and thought of tons of girl names. The baby name websites I've been to are a bit helpful, but you have to search and I don't even know what criteria to use to start searching. Finding a name is going to be difficult. Perhaps we should have been thinking about it before now.

I took a long nap today. It felt good but waking up was so hard - so deep in sleep the dreams are so intense.

Ripple and I were going to go for a walk, but our neighbors were out having happy hour in their front yard so we just went over there and Ripple played with their dog. It was nice.

Its humid.

S just called - he won't be home until probably 11pm.

Not quite sure what to do with myself.

I'm going to go find closet organizing things.