I've had a bit of a rough morning but thanks to my loving husband and wise women friends on the CK Preggers Thread - I'm feeling less dramatically full of dispair. I'd laugh if I could - not so much at how I feel - but the dimensions of it - the crocodile tears the feelings cause are almost theatrical. I'm so thankful at how thoughtful and considerate and kind people can be to a crying pregnant woman, including Rosa and Marta who seem to be sending me wonderful vibes from far away.

I'll spare you the re-hashing of it - but what was fun/interesting is that my fondal measurement (and I swear that's what its called but of course with my memory issues I'm doubting myself now) - the meaurement from the pubic bone to the top of the uterus - increased 7cm from my last measurement 4 weeks ago. This is nearly double the rate of growth as it should be - from what I've read and what my OB says, normal growth is 1 cm per week, would have been 4cm, not 7. So - it could mean this is a big baby. I'm very healthy and so is my family, so it wouldn't surprise me if walnut is too. I don't know that I'm super excited about a 10lb walnut when I think of the actual birth part, but in general, I'm fairly certain things are as they should be.

I'm seeing some friends tonight I haven't seen in ages - friends that I have some anxieties about. But, I have found that being pregnant is a wonderful conversation starter and diversion from other issues, so hopefully it will go well.

Am having a hard time concentrating at work - and I'm very sleepy. I've gotten up and walked around some to try to wake up.

I was thinking this morning as I woke up and watched S sleep how much I love him. How treasured and warm and safe and gentle (and sexy!) I feel surrounded by his love. He said last night how much he enjoys taking care of me, and surprisingly, given how much I value independence for women on principle, I love being taken care of by him right now. I'm not sure this will come out quite right, but I love the growth I've seen in him and us - not that he was ever callous or mean or unloving at all, but he seems so rich and full to me now - as if he is very happy, I think. And that makes me very, very happy. And weepy.