It is just before six. Tibby woke me up at the usual 5:30am and I couldn't get back to sleep. My back is hurting again this morning. I'm paranoid about every twinge being a contraction now from my appointment yesterday. I guess this was the appointment they tell you to watch out for pre term labor because everyone asked if I had had any contractions. I said that I didn't think so but since I didn't know what they felt like, it was hard to say. I described the stretchy cramps and the back pain but apparently those are just for fun.

I woke up thinking about dinner last night. It really wasn't too bad - I was much more relaxed and happy before K came but that is to be expected. Even having her there wasn't awful/awful. She has a wonderful life, looks beautiful, and the part of me that remembers when we were good friends in college is happy for her. And envious of her self confidence and poise and slim-ness. There. I said it. On occaision, I think my anxieties are about envy - or feeling that I am less than somoene else. With her they always were. It was nice and comfortable to see A. I wasn't plagued by the same awkwardness and sense of having to prove I don't care that I"m not very important to her or A or K anymore. It was nice to see M again - she is a very neat person.

I got home last night and couldn't shake the strange feelings I was feeling. And then I would realize how incredibly tired I am of me and my feelings. I get so old sometimes to myself. In those moods I just want someone/something else to focus on.

I think I'll clean the bathroom and then get ready for work. More later, possibly.

**

Life in the cube farm - there has been major reshuffling of people and two very loud, very irritating people have been planted near me. If I weren't in such a haze I'd be pretty upset about it. I'll have to a get a white noise machine, I think.