Anxious today. Very anxious. I didn’t walk this morning because I was so tired last night and we plan to take a long walk this evening with Ripple. Could there be a link or is it coincidence? I don’t know. I know I have an unsettled feeling so perhaps a walk is worth it no matter how tired I am or what other activities are planned.

Am feeling a bit dumped on and unappreciated at work yesterday and today. Its cool out – much cooler than its been the last month or so. And a bit overcast. All of this making me wish I could go home and curl up in bed and day dream about baby and life and things and forget about work.

My back brace is working pretty well.

I am feeling pretty ambivalent about my body today – I feel large and unwieldy and frumpy. Objectively, I don’t have the most beautiful pregnant belly – its lumpy so its hard to see that I’m pregnant versus just oddly shaped. I have decided to limit the amount of complaining I do verbally to S or friends about my body. I can divulge my insecurities and dislikes here in my journal, but I think the more you say something out loud, the more valid it becomes. Additionally, you can actually influence how other people look at you so I’d rather just keep a calm, accepting demeanor to the world and save the less than charitable thoughts about my body for my journal. I don’t want to dislike my body right now – its doing amazing things. I don’t like the vanity that being upset with how I look implies. When I realized how much weight I had to loose a few years ago, I keep all thoughts about comments about it to myself – this isn’t the same thing, but its similar.

I need to remember my body is doing amazing things. I am doing amazing things with my body.

I think I need to leave the building for lunch and just be away for a bit.