I can't sleep. Its 5am and I've been tossing since about 4. Lots on my mind - thinking about the baby and life and my parents visiting and everything.

I started producing colostrum last night. Well - I think I've been producing some before last night, but last night was when I realized what it was. S pointed it out and said he'd noticed something in the past but wasn't sure if it was leaking or not. Sure enough. I explained to him that it was colostrum, not mature milk, and that I won't produce mature milk until after the baby has been born. He asked if it was a good sign that I was producing colostrum and unfortunately, it doesn't really mean anything in terms of my ultimate ability to breast feed the baby. Its not a bad sign, it means something is working correctly, but it doesn't mean I'll have a full supply. Still, I felt proud of myself, of my body, that it knows what to do to get ready to help my baby live and thrive. I also felt a bit strange - I'm not used to my breasts being functional - this will be an interesting adjustment.

I told S it was a bit early for me to producing colostrum - everything I've read says that it usually happens mid third trimester or in the 8th month, and I'm actually 3 months and 1 day away from my due date today. He said, you've been ahead of the game for most things during this pregnancy, haven't you? And its true, I have. I suppose that means I could be a bit a head of where they think I"m at but I would have thought they'd've got that by now. However, I'm 99% sure I know the evening we conceived and its right on track with where I'm told I'm at right now. S thinks the baby will come a week early. Then he said, "But then I still think its a girl, so what do I know?"

I weighed myself just two seconds ago and I'm at 160, which is a total of 30 pounds gained so far. I am utterly confident now that it is my body and not what I'm eating or my activity level that is causing the weight gain - my calories consistnely average 2000 with some days being lower and I'm walking 4-6 times per week. I need to remember and rehearse how to point this out to my OB when she brings it up AGAIN at the next appointment, which she will.

My questions for her are:
1. Let her know about the colostrum.
2. Ask about access to midwives both before birth and at birth.
3. Ask about circumcision - how and when it happens.
4. Ask about finding a pediatrician.

Walnut is moving around and being very active as he has been for some time now. Its so much fun to watch him move now in addition to feeling him move. To see my belly rise and fall and dip and bump with his motions. What a good baby.

My anxieties about our finances seem to have abated a bit. Mostly likely because S appears to be on track with an agency and team that will work best for him. I still don't know difinitively about my situation at work but am trying not to get tied up about it now since I've done what I can do.

I think I'll go for my walk with Ripple and then make some coffee.

***

Walk was lovely - I saw a bit of the sunrise - all pinks and oranges and greens and blues. I scrubbed the kitchen sink and now I'm going to the bathroom. I think this is what they call nesting - the insatiable energy to get stuff done. Again - way early. But I'll take it if it means S has to do less of the housework and I start feeling like a grown-up again.