LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog
Wednesday, Dec 14 2005
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
I'm going to steal 5 minutes to write in here. Its 9:09am, Will and S are asleep, and my to do list is very long.
It snowed and snowed and snowed last night - it is beautiful out. During our 2:45 feeding, the world was quiet and white.
I had a realization yesterday that brought me some peace of mind. I realized that 80% of the time, I am inside motherhood - meaning, I'm actively living my life with Will and S and happy about it. There are days, though very few, when I slip out of being "inside" and suddenly I find myself looking at my life/motherhood from the outside and these days are very strange. Sometimes a non-bad strange, but sometimes a bad strange - where I don't quite know where Will came from or who he is or who I am or what life is. These moments are hard. But they are contained and limited. When I'm in them, though, I feel horrible - horribly guilty and a bit panicky. I've been giving those moments more credence than the "inside" moments, until I had this realization. That's why its good.
It snowed and snowed and snowed last night - it is beautiful out. During our 2:45 feeding, the world was quiet and white.
I had a realization yesterday that brought me some peace of mind. I realized that 80% of the time, I am inside motherhood - meaning, I'm actively living my life with Will and S and happy about it. There are days, though very few, when I slip out of being "inside" and suddenly I find myself looking at my life/motherhood from the outside and these days are very strange. Sometimes a non-bad strange, but sometimes a bad strange - where I don't quite know where Will came from or who he is or who I am or what life is. These moments are hard. But they are contained and limited. When I'm in them, though, I feel horrible - horribly guilty and a bit panicky. I've been giving those moments more credence than the "inside" moments, until I had this realization. That's why its good.
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