...before Will goes to bed. We just got back from the church ice cream social. I'm so shy at events like that. The whole point is to meet people, and I just sit there with Will like a lump on a log. I need alcohol to make me gregarious. And a) I can't have any right now, and b) its not usually served at church socials. At least not at any churches I've been to. Courtney - do you lube people up for meet-n-greets at Geist? If so, can I join?

Several weeks ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with a career goal. Or, more aptly, a timing framework for some events I'd like to see happen. While I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up, I do believe this: a) if I don't move into a director level position in the next two years, I will run the risk of stagnating. I have many reasons for this belief, more on that later; b) to get a director level position would require either a restructuring of my current department (I report to a director who really should be a VP) or would require me to look outside my department or outside my current company; c) I'd like to have a VP position by the time I'm ~38 because d) at that point, I will have ideally amassed enough solid experience and titular backup that I should be able to take my pick of industries and positions. And by then I might know what I want to do.

I've never been a planner, career-wise. I think I've always had the subconscious assumption that careers happen to a person rather than a person directing the course of a career. So, the recent clarity of purpose has been a change for me.

I've spoken some with my current director on this, and some with a previous director, and have some good information to go on in terms of experiences that I need more of and ideas for achieving my goals. I'm not interested in doing anything too drastic until after I'm back from maternity leave, but I like that I've given my director notice of sorts taht I'm looking for the next thing. I"ve SO done my duty by my current position and direct reports. Hence my fear of stagnating. Frankly, good managers are VERY hard to come by - and I sense that there is a risk of being encouraged to stay put due to that skill. And while I appreciate its needed, its also insanely hard work to be a good manager. And I'm tired. My team works closely with a field sales force and they are EXHAUSTING. I have yet to meet a sales person more mature Will - hence the exhaustion. That is one of the many reasons I'm looking forward to this maternity leave. I remember how refreshed I was after being out with Will (I know that sounds impossible - how is 3 months with a new born refreshing? But I was).

I am very fortunate in my current director. Although he has several limitations, his primary passion is mentoring people. I think some of his concepts are a bit out date, so I have to do some filtering and adjusting based on what I think the current work world is life, but overall I couldn't ask for a better champion. One area that I think he and I really differ on is that he thinks there are still lots of non-working mangers out there. What I mean is that he thinks a person needs to choose between being a subject matter expert (ie an individual contributor) and being a manager of people or a manager of managers - that there isn't room for both. I just don't think there are many managers or directors (or even VPs) that get to be purely people managers and don't have any ongoing regular tasks to perform or areas of expertise required of them. At least, I haven't experienced this in any of the companies I've worked for so far. I think at one point in time, pure managers were much more common - at least that's the sense I get from him.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with my director's new VP to discuss my team's roles, responsibilties and concerns about the future as we intergrate two organizations together. I generally don't overprepare for events like this. I have my slides ready and will use them as needed.

Will-land: "Leddy" is elevator and later. "Labok" is library and light-is-broken. The last two days he's been quizzing me on why I call his Daddy "Baby." I've tried to explain that ot is a special name for his Daddy, just like Will's special name is "Monkey." I'm not making myself understood, though.