LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog
Saturday, Sep 8 2007 - Its 3 a.m eternal...
View LYNNABEL's food & exercise for this day
...isn't that a techno song from the 90's?
It IS 3 am, and I can't sleep. I woke up from an intense dream about Steve. The kind of dream I'm sure I had after I divorced AJ - where you sudden develop an overwhelming desire for a person mainly because they've decided they don't need you anymore. Obviously Steve hasn't done that in real life, but he did in the dream. It was disconcerting. Steve and I are celebrating our 3 year wedding anniversary tomorrow evening, so I imagine my subconscious is hard at work. AJ and I divorced shortly before our 3rd anniversary.
Turtle has Tourette's. She will. not. stop. moving. Actually, I picture it more like the John Travolta from "Staying Alive" moves of diagonal arm/finger pointing with the stretching out of the opposite leg. Hopefully she doesn't also have the hairy chest and penchant for white pant suits with heavy gold accessories.
While the meeting with our new VP went well, it appears to have been mainly lip service, because in the short day since the meeting, I've been dismayed by subsequent events directly involving him. The organization he comes from (that we are integrating with) is very fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants and anything-for-a-sale, and we are being pressured into work/actions that we don't agree with. (By "we" I mean my co-managers and director). It doesn't bode well. I think I mentioned that my director should be a VP reporting to the CEO vs another VP? I think so even more now, because frankly its a conflict of interest to report to someone who will be asking you to do things you "shouldn't" and have been charged by the company NOT to do. I must have said to myself 7 times on Friday: "This isn't worth it - you have to go look for something else" and then I responded to myself with "Be calm. They pay you a lot of money to deal with it, and you have a family to take care of." I need to not be hysterical - not only will it get me nowhere, it will hurt my team. I can get through 4 months until my leave. I have to make that my goal. There will be space to breath then.
I have to also make sure that I keep an eye on my anxiety levels. Although this pregnancy has been much kinder to me in that regard than Will's was, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm just in an altered mental place for now. Without a whole lot of emotional bench strength, is how I think of it.
I was starting to feel sick before bed, and asked Steve to put Will down (99.9% of the time that is my job) so I could go to bed early. I don't feel sick anymore, but I might if I don't get back to sleep.
It IS 3 am, and I can't sleep. I woke up from an intense dream about Steve. The kind of dream I'm sure I had after I divorced AJ - where you sudden develop an overwhelming desire for a person mainly because they've decided they don't need you anymore. Obviously Steve hasn't done that in real life, but he did in the dream. It was disconcerting. Steve and I are celebrating our 3 year wedding anniversary tomorrow evening, so I imagine my subconscious is hard at work. AJ and I divorced shortly before our 3rd anniversary.
Turtle has Tourette's. She will. not. stop. moving. Actually, I picture it more like the John Travolta from "Staying Alive" moves of diagonal arm/finger pointing with the stretching out of the opposite leg. Hopefully she doesn't also have the hairy chest and penchant for white pant suits with heavy gold accessories.
While the meeting with our new VP went well, it appears to have been mainly lip service, because in the short day since the meeting, I've been dismayed by subsequent events directly involving him. The organization he comes from (that we are integrating with) is very fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants and anything-for-a-sale, and we are being pressured into work/actions that we don't agree with. (By "we" I mean my co-managers and director). It doesn't bode well. I think I mentioned that my director should be a VP reporting to the CEO vs another VP? I think so even more now, because frankly its a conflict of interest to report to someone who will be asking you to do things you "shouldn't" and have been charged by the company NOT to do. I must have said to myself 7 times on Friday: "This isn't worth it - you have to go look for something else" and then I responded to myself with "Be calm. They pay you a lot of money to deal with it, and you have a family to take care of." I need to not be hysterical - not only will it get me nowhere, it will hurt my team. I can get through 4 months until my leave. I have to make that my goal. There will be space to breath then.
I have to also make sure that I keep an eye on my anxiety levels. Although this pregnancy has been much kinder to me in that regard than Will's was, I wouldn't be surprised if I'm just in an altered mental place for now. Without a whole lot of emotional bench strength, is how I think of it.
I was starting to feel sick before bed, and asked Steve to put Will down (99.9% of the time that is my job) so I could go to bed early. I don't feel sick anymore, but I might if I don't get back to sleep.
5 comments so far.
5.
a decade ago
Well, polyester or no, when Turtle needs someone to take her shopping for her first pair of platform shoes, you know who to call.
:kiss:
by REV
4.
a decade ago
oh and, my MIL had two boys and two girls. she said she could definitely tell a difference in how she carried the genders, and believes the difference was her body creating testosterone for little men. she said her daughters were much easier pregnancies than her sons (though the girls have been more difficult to raise
:P).
by HOOSIERSTACE
3.
a decade ago
there really is something psychological about the timing, isn't there? I remember checking off in my head the point at which LM became my longest beau, and then again when I knew we had passed his longest. I don't really know why though because I've never questioned our relationship.
:dazed: dreams especially can do some weird stuff, LM and I have had some touching moments working through a bad dream. // on the job-ola, can you talk to your director about? open door with the CEO? especially if you think it's counter to your corporate mission, demand that someone tell you the mission has changed. I like the 4 mos approach, I do better when I can focus on the light at the end of the tunnel. let me know if you want to talk/vent/commiserate.
by HOOSIERSTACE
2.
a decade ago
I loved and hated the incredibly vivid pregnancy dreams. They were fun and really blew me away sometimes, but then were so vivid that I was left with the residual feelings when I woke up. There were times when I actually thought something really happened only to rememeber later that it was a dream. I laughed out loud at your description of Turtle's movements. Maybe you should play some nice calming classical to relax her.
;)
by CBL
1.
a decade ago
Yes, it is a song from the 90's..... I danced to it many-a-times in clubs, when I was young & carefree....... I've been up since 3:45....Had I known you were here, I would have popped in & we could have chatted.... Ah....pregnancy...gotta love it...
by DAWN