LYNNABEL's CalorieKing blog
Tuesday, Jun 30 2015
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I hate this about myself - hate it: When someone judges me (negatively), or has a less than positive opinion on how I've acted or behaved, my gut says they're right. My ingrained default is to agree with anyone and everyone's negative assessment of myself. I hate this. And I hate that I feel like this is so deeply ingrained that I can't root it out of me. I am hostage to this. And I'm exhausted from trying to fight it. I've been trying to fight it for fifteen years, trying to find a sense of self worth that withstands this. It feels hopeless. I feel hopeless. I guess what I'm feeling is that I suck, generally, but that a) there is no point to trying not to suck because I'm 40 years old so its never gonna happen and b) constant striving towards self improvement has gotten me nowhere and makes me feel even more sucky.
This is cryptic, I know. I can't be more specific right now.
This is cryptic, I know. I can't be more specific right now.
4 comments so far.
4.
a decade ago
Came across your blog and wanted to reach with something that is helping me a lot - "Starting Monday" by Karen Koenig. It's not a 'diet' book but deals with the psychological issues related to eating and in one chapter she talks about feeling deserving, and how we cherish what we love, taking good care of it. Self love is not based on what we do, talent, success, etc., - but then what?-- "being born is your ticket to lovability. Really, it's as simple as that. You are lovable because you are unique and there will never be another being quite like you. that's enough reason for you to love yourself. The truth is you don't need to acquire self- love; all you have to do is give it to yourself. You decide to love yourself and stick with that choice whatever happens. And by loving yourself you validate that you are lovable." She goes on to say we don't like everything about ourselves but gives you a "soft landing place when things go wrong", as they will--- welcome to the human race.
:)
I just wanted to know that your 'gut' is wrong about you. Hating that part of yourself is a good start!
by BUN201
3.
a decade ago
I have a lot of thoughts on this but I have to let them percolate to be coherent. Just know that 40 is young (ha!) and you can change how you react to what someone says. Doing that takes a lot of work to figure out why you'd blindly just agree, even if it's valid. Other avenues are becoming defensive (not necessarily any better of a solution) or examining what they say critically and reacting thoughtfully (the one I'd choose if I wasn't such a moody thing). Oh and
:kiss:
by JAY
2.
a decade ago
When I have this kind of intensely negative reaction to something, I've noticed that it tends to lose strength over time. Give it a day or two and keep telling yourself that you don't deserve it. I understand the mental and emotional exhaustion, but I also think you're someone who won't give up on yourself.
:kiss:
by CLOE
1.
a decade ago
I can't imagine anyone would EVER have ANYTHING negative to say about you. You have a good soul. I know it for a fact. I've experienced it.
:kiss:
Just let me know if I need to get Tori's bat...
Love you girlfriend.
by PATTIXOXO