Saturday morning disjointed and random thoughts:
• I’m struggling to take good care of myself. Most women find themselves doing too much for other people and not for themselves. I don’t fall into that category, at least not neatly. Yes, I’m in law school, and work full time. But – I don’t have the home/kid obligations that many working moms do because my husband does so much in that department.
• What I am doing is not exercising the way I should, not eating the way I should, and not finding enough meaningful stuff to do while at home or with the kids. I keep telling myself that life will be different when I’m done with law school – and it will – but meanwhile I do not feel good.
• I have my anxiety under control (thank you Zoloft) but I do not have my guilt or more regular sense of health under control.
• I know that using words like “should” isn’t helpful.
• I’m watching too much Netflix.
• I’m doing okay at work but not great.
• I was just at a work conference and felt awkward a TON.
• I have to do a bunch of work on a paper for school.
• I did get a standing desk for work – its actually been hard on my back, but I think I will adjust as I get more used to it.
• I have not been sleeping well consistently, which makes waking up early to work out a major challenge.
• I was getting a lot of cardio, but did not like how hungry it made me.
• I am ranked 4/110 in my lawschool class – that makes me proud.
• I am so sick of school, though.
• I haven’t been outside in fresh air for longer than 5 minutes in days and days.
• There is a guy sitting in front of me in class who has this bizarre circus ring leader mustache (think curled up on each side via some gel material).
• I am not taking showers regularly – my school schedule makes it challenging (class Friday and Monday nights, and Saturday and Sunday mornings). I’m not making myself a priority in this way.
• I feel like a hot mess right now.
• My face looks “too” wrinkly and puffy to me.
• I’m sick of carrying books to and from work, and too and from school.
• I wish I felt more confident – if I have to be 40+, then I want to FEEL grown up.
• My hands have started to shake much more than usual when I’m nervous – think work settings where I have to talk. Not always but in definitely when I’m talking to someone “higher up” than me. I hate this – I do not think anyone at work is more important in the grand scheme of things than the other, so I shouldn’t be reacting this way.
• I could probably ‘solve’ a lot of the above, if I had the energy.
• I have the energy to complain, but not to actually do something about it.
• I have some clothing that I like – which is a nice change. I do like that I now wear jeans to work. It makes me realize how much I don’t like pants. I like skirts, dresses, and jeans. And of course yoga pants. I don’t like slacks/pants.
• I feel like my short term memory, and even longer term memory, is spotty.
• My professor is very knowledgeable, but very loud.
• I don’t feel like water rehydrates me as much as it should or as it used to.
• Crap, crap, crap – these are such first world problems.