I'm back in a more normal routine now that the bar study and exam is over. The change in routine has me thinking - and noticing - a lot. Unfortunately, I've gained around 10 lbs since I went on my trip to the DR with my sister in October-ish. A big chunk of that happened during January and February. In theory, working from home 3 days a week should have given me a lot more time/space to exercise and eat well, but it didn't. I never managed to get the hang of studying, working, and being healthy all at the same time. It feels like a lost opportunity, but I can't change it now.

So, I'm back at work, and have realized that hunger-wise I can manage a good breakfast and a good dinner, but I'm really struggling with lunch. I think I need to accept that I need to eat twice between breakfast and dinner, not once. When I get as hungry as I do, all good choices go out the window. I go from fine to starving in the space of a minute, it seems. So, probably something around 11 and then something around 2 or 3. I've been so hung up on calories for so long that I am missing the forest for the trees. Its far better to eat around 1400 than 2000, even if I can't manage "ideal" at closer to 1200.

Here is what I mean. So far this week, we had a lunch meeting on Monday (I was starving so I ate a ton); a lunch date with a friend on Tuesday (ditto); and today I was just starving so instead of drinking a protein shake or getting a salad downstairs, I decided to go get pho. It wasn't awful calorie-wise so much as an indication that I feel helpless to resist the hunger and eat what I'd planned. It was a wake up call of sorts (although that's a bit overly dramatic) that I need to rethink what I'm doing because what I'm actually doing isn't working.

I didn't sleep well during the two-month bar study period. I stayed up too late and then napped most days. I love napping and think its very good for me, but it makes getting back into a routine where I can't just close my eyes for 45 minutes on the couch difficult. I used to be a morning person - especially when the kids were little (not that they gave me much choice). I've really shifted to being a night person now. That has screwed with my ability to get a good night's sleep on a regular basis.

We go to Arizona for a week on Sunday, which will be another schedule/routine disrupter. I'm looking forward to time with the kids and Steve and the warm weather, but feel pessimistic about my ability to eat well. I know I'll be able to run and we'll do some hiking, which is good, so I don't worry about exercise.

I really don't know how I did on the bar, and the results don't come until April 15th. I wouldn't be surprised if I passed, and wouldn't be surprised if I didn't. It would be hugely challenging emotionally if I didn't, but I will cross that bridge when I come to it.